The needle on my record player is running thin....: dead..

Friday, August 29, 2008 +

if i am so good,why am i at my worst?

i woke early morning to find LAH still feeling unwell :(
so i made up my mind not to go to WRSS back and stayed at home to accompany her..
Sorry, i know quite a handful are going,and the guys are even performing,and its been quite some time since i last saw my classmates and teachers but but oh well,what do ya expect?
cant leave her alone at home like that.im not that heartless as to only care bout my own feelings.
Next thing that horrors me ? There's heaps and tons of house chores waiting for me.With Lah feeling so miserable and down,who am i kidding? That's double the chores but i don't mind eiii.Next time im sick,she had to do the same thing.,by hook or by crook.I DON''T CARE!okie,deep inside,i do mind ah.And miss Fatin Amirah make the situation even more horrible by not helping at all.like adikkkkkkk, plez lah!!ahiyerrrr

think nice thoughts,breathe in,breathe out..think of chocolates.. kie dahhh

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yesterday night was by far the most night i talked a lil too long.a few
latenight phonecalls then it didnt end there eventually.i couldnt sleep so i
forced Lah to stay awake with me.anyway,that girl had already rest and sleep
alot in the day so i dont feel guilty at all forcing her like that.ahhaahs..i
know i know im really horrible.whatever.haha
i think i've been bottling up my feelings far too longthat i actually just vommited out what i've been feeling all this while to Lah
last night.about him,about fam,about frenship and all those stuffs.the same goes
for her. i didnt know..i didn't have a clue at all that thing were just so
complicated betweenn them cos all this while i thought its was just so
wonderful, the bond that exists.
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And now,I’m mad at myself, not you.I’m mad for always being nice,

for always hoping things will get better.

Im mad cos all these while,i feel like an outsider.i said its too late.but mum said,there's still time.couldn't anyone see that? its too late.too late.i wonder why things should end up like this? how am i supose to face them when that day finnally come? was it my fault? i don't think so..

my only retreat,books and doodling.sentiasalah bersyukur.Thank God :]

till then,

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